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April 01, 2013

Pontiff annoints future for old 3000 disciples

1929-mitre-smSpreading his message of hope for disadvantaged communities, newly-appointed Pope Francis gave an Easter address yesterday that offered promise for computer groups beating back injustices. "This is the age of miracles," the Pontiff said in a special high-band broadcast on the new social network Chirpify. Leaders of the HP 3000 homesteading community seized on the proclamation as proof that almighty forces were now at work to turn back the clock of change.

"We're on a mission from god," said 92-year-old Leonard Frapp, the engineer who coined the phrase minicomputer in 1967 after the miniskirt took the world of fashion by storm. "It's a lot sexier than those damn mainframe togs," he said of that creation that made white lab coats passe within a few seasons. "With this, we're using so little server fabric we don't even need a mini -- just a see-through virtualizer. Best of all, I can buy one of these virtual 3000s on Chirpify with my Galaxy phone." While grabbing a spoon, he added it was easiest to buy using the Jimmies with Whipped Cream Android release.

As the Pontiff launched a worldwide tour to spread the message of living on less, the new Pope booked his own reservations for a trip to Mountain View, California, where Stromasys conceived the immaculate idea of hosting the first HP 3000 Social and Stromasys training seminar in early May. Special Emissary for his Holiness Rev. Duce Scholdaduci said the trip will include air travel between New York and the Bay Area on Jet Blue. The pope will sit in the emergency exit row on the trans-American flight, since he's infallible about the safety of  a commercial trip managed by an application created using MPE/iX.

"Hoc genus maxime est via amet," the pope said yesterday from his Twitter account, reaching out to explain why he was breaking with tradition of flying in his own jet in a special visit to the 3000 social. The phrase translates to "This is the most affordable way to go," although it was unclear if the Pontiff was describing the emulator or the coach-class low fares to the Bay Area during May via Jet Blue. The flight will offer a special Vatican Channel on the jet's in-flight entertainment in seat-backs.

Community advocates and professionals nearing retirement hailed the emulator as "special dispensation" from the fate HP predicted in 2004, when it reported "Time's Running Out" in an article from the Interex user group. Time did run out within a year, as the user group expired and cut off the haven for such messages.

The Pontiff alluded to the advent of other miracles among the 3000 faithful in his Easter message, including releasing ownership of MPE to customers and so end license-to-use ploys for abandoned products; creation of an ecosystem including leprechaun-managed cloud providers, compete with pots of gold; and the falling of shackles from the eyes of CIOs who still pray for relief from designing and managing their own datacenters.

"He's made a convert out of me," said Homer Popenoff, CFO of Industrial Malgamated Squid, a fish-substance processor in Florida. "We go our own way here in the Sunshine State. This plan to escape the hardware hostage situation sounds like heaven to us."

06:38 PM in Newsmakers | Permalink

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